NICHOLAS CAGE   AMBER HEARD   WILLIAM FICHTNER   BILLY BURKE

DRIVE ANGRY


 Nicholas Cage has become the most shamed and disgraceful actor in Hollywood. Cage, who went bankrupt last year, losing all of his assets, houses, and fancy cars, has since put himself in every bottom scrubbing script trying to get made in Hollywood. Drive Angry probably wouldn’t have seen the flickering light of cinema without Cage attached to it. It’s only February, but this is already the second film for the desperate actor. This grind-house type movie is a perfect example of why 3D is a problem in film; is an excuse, or at least another reason, to lure movie goers into a film. Beware, Drive Angry has nothing to offer in 3D that wouldn’t get in 2D. But you better believe the theater will charge you more.  Send your thank you notes to Cage.

 Milton (Cage), an angry father, returns from the depths of Hell to avenge his daughter’s death and save his grandchild from a satan worshiping cult that intends to sacrifice the child on the first full moon. Milton hasn’t walked the earth in a while, but already chaos is following him, including a man in blacked called “The Accountant” (Fichtner), who must return Milton to his fiery prison. Milton rescues country bumpkin Piper (Heard), who agrees to help him in his quest. They drive through Oklahoma, Texas, and finally into the backwoods of Louisiana to meet the satan worshipers lead by Jonah King (Burke) for the final showdown.

 The language in Drive Angry is nearly unbearable; it begins with repetitive vulgarity to clue the audience in that this is going to be a rough and nasty movie. Within the first ten minutes, over 50 clichés are used with waitresses in a diner, including men beating women who are then saved by a stranger. Drive Angry is a film where you can get punched in the face repeatedly and never bruise; people are tough as nails in this script, unless of course you are on the wrong side. Ridiculous dialogue tries to make the ever-balding Cage look menacing and cool, but the more they try, the more he looks like a loser.  There is no point discussing his acting ability at this point because it’s non-existent.

 Likely the most memorable scene in the film (side note: memorable doesn’t always denote good) is when Milton is having his way with a waitress while being attacked in a cheesy motel room.  He rolls, shoots, and takes down over eight men coming at him without every losing his “rhythm”. The woman is later mortified at his “ability”. With violence, drugs, nudity and everything in between, Drive Angry is filthier than the worst truck stop bathroom you have been forced to use. It’s one of those movies that nothing positive or good can be said about it and you almost feel the need to shower by the time it’s over.

 Final Thought – Cage parks the year’s worst movie so far.


Grade F

By: Dustin Chase W.

Editor: Michael Woody